In Troubled Times - A Gift

8-8-09 (11:52 pm)
Copyright Carol Kindt

In troubled times, your strength has to come from within. No matter what the circumstance, there is no one who can drive you from within, but Jesus. He sustains life in the midst of it all. Hope can only be displayed by Him. Courage takes on a new name when He is the driving force. There is nothing we can’t walk through; no height we can’t reach, if we know the One who sustains us and encourages us forward.

There is no partnership that surpasses His. Yet, this is a growing relationship that does not come with the strike of a gong or the crack of a starting gun. Oh that it was so, to be so assured of Him immediately. My soul has taken time to catch on. My brain has read and heard the words, my heart has fought to believe that He would be the One to not disappoint, deceive, betray, abandon, reject or forget me. Life circumstances – the testing ground.

Take me along this way of faith, through the rough and the smooth. Tension and relief; tension and relief; is that how it goes? The working of the muscle of faith. That’s it! Strengthening, little by little. Working, “Feel it?” Working more, “Feel it more?” As grabbing onto the next rung of a very tall ladder, pulling up – one at a time – and you ascend. Don’t look down! Only up!

Some faith muscles are stronger than others. Mine have not had the tests yours have had; they are just waiting for the opportunities. Yours have not had the tests mine have had – but, for sure, they will come. Because there is nothing new under the sun, for sure we will be tested in every way, as He was. “And He learned obedience by the things He suffered.” Pure obedience to God is attainable, or Jesus would not have been able to achieve it; He would have failed. However, His strength came from within, from His relationship with His Father, our Father. A stare at the word “Father” just comes; my eyes are transfixed on it.

I just saw that word “Father” for the first time. Maybe I am up at this hour for this very moment – to see the Father. First glance, I try to see it as “my real father”, and I somehow cannot relate. I look inside somewhere to find a connection, but to no avail; nothing comforting comes. I look again; it is the word capitalized that stands out, and a small strike of pain arrives. Dare I go near it? Yes, I must. My heart acknowledges, “I have been looking for You.” Dare I let Him in? I am for a moment, undone. “It is I,” He says, “your Father, your real Father! Come!” I am struck, the tears commence... “Relax in My arms. They are open for you. Come!” My mind speaks what my heart wants, “Break me, break my heart for You. Break the protective barrier that I have longed to have taken from me. Inquire within, go deep; please, go deep. Come father me!”

Interesting...just within days, I realized that I have been without a father since I was 17 years old! That’s a very long time now. Somehow I had lost sight that I was abandoned by my father at such a young age. Why that thought now? Oh, yes, there was another young person relaying his or her story of being abandoned by a parent, or both, at a very young age. I have heard such stories for many years. But this day, my mind took a brief look back to the age when my father was removed from our family. I was 17! I was young too! Trouble had begun when I was 11 – he was gone way before he was ushered out.

I have, for a long time, looked for the “spot” in my heart for this: My heart does not remember how to “long” for the father. Teach me, my Jesus. Work this moment for me, Holy Spirit, to long for my Father. Calibrate and restore the years the locusts have eaten away. Renew my youthful relationship with You as Your child, You as my Father. Restore, restore, restore! I believe I receive this restoration; it will manifest in me, I will feel it – the lost feeling, fully recovered, fully alive. Life-giver, breathe brand new life in my relationship with my Father. Carry me there, in Your arms of love. It is 1:00AM. I see this as a sign of the “#1 day” of a new Father-daughter relationship!

Led by Your hand to write this – Sweet dreams now...